CULTinvestigation 99, Rev. Ben's Story

Apparently these people have no sense of humor, as they asked about half the jokes on my web site. "Why are there 101 ways to kill a man and only 76 to kill a woman? Shouldn't there be more ways to kill a woman?" They didn't seem to understand that it was a joke. They didn't get the ESP/ESPN joke either ("What's ESPN?"). Well, I guess it doesn't take much education to work as a security guard in a high school.

They asked some real good questions. "Have you ever worn a black trenchcoat to school?" (Color is very important. You only have to worry about the ones who wear black trenchcoats) and "Do you play Action Quake?" (Of course, people who play violent computer games can't tell the difference between the game and reality). They didn't bother to ask if I owned any guns, or if I loved Hitler.

And of course they asked about the mysterious May 17 (I don't think they even asked about May 10), which b0b appears to have cleared up. I guess they read the graffiti wall every day, and will probably read this newz, too.

And of course after they were done with their intense questioning, they had to contact a parent (the most severe thing they could do to me, other than waste half an hour of my time). I guess since they couldn't do anything they figured my mom might.

Of course, this questioning inspired me to do no work for the rest of the school day (the network being down didn't help either).

In short, "Bah."

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