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Beware the Ides of March!
Posted by #43 Will Miller at 01-09-2001 12:30 AM
Cary, Amy, Maggie, Ben and I made what was seemingly a normal trip to Denny's (aside from a little extra ice on the roads, or "death" as we like to call it) until Cary just had to mention exploding a nuke in space to cause an EMP to turn the US into a third world country. Anyhow, this sparked the guy at the table next to us to jump into the conversation. My back was turned to him, so I turned around, but then realized he looked a little sketchy, as well as the waitress mouthing to us "Don't talk to this guy" repeatedly.As he told Cary and Ben in great detail about the coming of armageddon in March, I turned back around and was laughing the whole time. Cary found himself playing with his coffee trying very hard to not do the same thing. He said afterward, "I was trying not to laugh and have him get pissed off, then come over and kill us." Ben added, "Fuck you, Cheez." As anyone can easily see from the paper that the guy (affectionately referred to as "Crazy Joe") gave to Cary, armageddon is only a few months away. (larger version) Joe told us that he has a program running on his computer which will piggyback signals to important satellites at the crucial time, making the US Missle Defense think that Russia and China have unleashed a "sneak attack". The US will then launch its missles, then all other nuclear powers shortly thereafter. And then it's "arma-fuckin-geddon baby." I didn't quite understand the part after this, but I think he said they'd explode in orbit after passing by each other, and then it's somehow Judgement Day. Since the Ides of March is "approximately March 15th", that's going to be the day. Unfortunately, Ben may or may not have much time to celebrate his birthday that day. However, Crazy Joe said that since we seemed like nice people, we needn't worry about the whole thing, and that we would be fine as long as we had plenty of candles and canned goods. Just to prove how nice we really are, we're giving all of you the heads up on the deal so you can be prepared too. Don't forget to spread the word as well. « replies »
RE: Beware the Ides of March!
Post #6103 by #9 k-rad at 01-09-2001 8:29 AM
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wow cheez, that's the best newz you've written in a long time... as evidenced by the fact that it a) exists b) is of quite some length. Need to get that scan up here.
RE: Beware the Ides of March!
Post #6104 by #1 Cary C at 01-09-2001 1:59 PM
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Cheez... you must remember that these nukes will explode in space cause thier "metal skin" cant feel that it is in space, so they will blow up. At least thats about as much of a reason i got out of his rambling. You also forgot to mention how "Cheyenne Mountain" is going crazy on lockdown this whole time. And no matter what the humans say the computer wont listen cause it's running that "logic program" that we all know really exists.
RE: Beware the Ides of March!
Post #6106 by #10 Nick Hamlin at 01-09-2001 8:15 PM
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Did it occur to any of you to attack this guy once you left Denny's? I'm sure he had some nice drugs on him.
RE: Beware the Ides of March!
Post #6108 by #3 Ben G at 01-09-2001 9:02 PM
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yeah, my birthday's gonna suck. some great fireworks, though
RE: Beware the Ides of March!
Post #6120 by #1238 Amy Benton at 01-16-2001 4:06 PM
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guess who was at dennys again last night? yup...you know it
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