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Bush Declares LAN2k2 A Success
Posted by #3 Ben G at 01-14-2002 3:54 AM
College Park, MD (AP) President George W. Bush confirmed the immense success of LAN2k2 in a nationally televised press conference Monday night.
Bush called the LAN party, held at Rev. Ben's house over the weekend, "the phattest [expletive deleted] ever." He expressed his regrets for being unable to come, saying "Man, [expletive deleted] my job. I wanna play some [expletive deleted] quake."
When reached for comment, Rev. Ben said "Um.. what the hell? I didn't invite that [expletive deleted]." The White House was unavailable for comment on this issue.
In attendance were Rev. Cary, Rev. Konrad, Rev. Cheez, Dr. Stephen Pheiffer, Mo, Craig, Jason, Jason, Jason, and Patrick Wu.
Unfortunately, Jim Golden was unable to attend, due to his inability to knock on doors. His doctor said that this disability, causing him to be unable to bend his arm and wrist in a knocking motion, is generally considered to come from "playing way too much with his [expletive deleted]." Mr. Golden, when reached for comment, would probably say "Hey, [expletive deleted] you guys."
Upon their arrival, both Rev. Cary's and Dr. Pheiffer's computers ceased working. Rev. Cary's computer was fixed through the tried and true Windows 98 solution of rebooting until it worked. Dr. Pheiffer's, using Windows XP, required 3 exorcists and a human sacrifice. In addition, upon arrival with Rev. Cary on Tuesday, Rev. Ben's computer exploded in a most magnificent fashion, requiring multiple reinstallations of Windows, and a considerable amount of cursing.
It it rumored that Rev. Cary brought along his infamous "EMP Device," which causes all electronic devices within radius to malfunction. Asked about the existence of this device, Rev. Cary said "Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have brought that. Oh well."
Shortly after the party, Maryland Governor Parris N. Glendening declared the upstairs hall bathroom a disaster area, and ordered in the National Guard to "clean that filty [expletive deleted] up." When reached for comment, Glendening said, "Jesus Christ. That [expletive deleted] was nasty. I almost hurled." « replies »
RE: Bush Declares LAN2k2 A Success
Post #6222 by #9 k-rad at 01-14-2002 10:19 AM
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lol, good stuff.
as for the emp device (or more likely caused by a combination of emp waves and the fact that Ben's house is built on an Native American burial ground)..
When I got there: it corrupted my server's harddrive so hard that I had to reboot to single user mode to fix the kagillion errors with fsck.
During the lan party: my computer would randomly stop being connected to the network (tho I now believe this was due to a broken network cable boot).
When I got home: win98 machine ceased to function, got it working to the point now where I can boot only if I choose "step thru" and do not load some gay vxd. Current theory is that I probably shouldnt be using a win98 cd to install stuff over a win98se installation. Will be reinstalling win98 in the next few days.
I also left a network cable at Ben's house which sucks ass cause I'm not about to drive there to get it anytime soon, but at the same time, I need it. Solution: order more cables online.
In conclusion, everything that couldve possibly gone wrong did.
Luckily however, the game party itself was mostly succesful (with the exception of the "Jim Incident").
the upstairs bathroom
Post #6224 by #43 Will Miller at 01-14-2002 10:23 AM
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i'm gonna have to go with parris on this one.
RE: Bush Declares LAN2k2 A Success
Post #6229 by #18 Jim Golden at 01-15-2002 1:04 AM
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The inability to knock on doors was actually turned out to be a combination of no one answering the door (after it was knocked on repeatedly untill it started crying and I didn't have the heart to knock anymore) and a crackhead roomate who thought he was all alone with nobody else in the house.
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